barbara walters just said penis...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
