can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize