I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
