The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
