but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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