and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
