I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
