it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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