he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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