the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
