the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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