the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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