shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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