New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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