i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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