YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
