Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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