So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
