We are two peas in an std pod
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I supernannyed him into submission
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
