well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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