The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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