I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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