i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
