what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
