smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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