forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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