i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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