We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think a kid would responsible me up
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
