non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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