saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
