totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
