I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize