I just pynch a tree in the face
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
