I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
