my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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