hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
