Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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