he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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