And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
