He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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