i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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