Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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