we have pet lesbian snakes
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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