I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
