No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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