i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You ruined the universe
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
