apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
