so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
