You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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