omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
