my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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