we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my phone needs a breathalizer
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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