Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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