you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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