I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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