so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
