We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
