cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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