Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize