No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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