Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
