hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
