I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
