I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
