dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Randomize
