I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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