We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
