Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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