I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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